Ep8: St Patrick’s Day special

Welcome to the Drunk & Disorderly podcast….Sorry we meant the F’n Sober podcast 

Each week we discuss issues around recovery/sobriety as well as whatever other random rubbish comes into our heads

In this weeks episode Dave’s M.I.A so Nick and Ciaran take over and discuss all things St Patrick’s from white pudding to Jamaican accents …long story 

But our conversation centres around big celebrations, avoiding them or how to take part whilst sober 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Okay, so um so bit of a weird one this uh got started the podcast off on a bit of a bit of a somber tone. Uh unfortunately as you know we will usually be uh joined by Dave uh but he is he's not with us uh at the moment him unfortunately Dave has um he's passed yeah sorry what's that say oh he's passed his cell by Dave Oh oh man that was whoa we all know that don't we all know that yeah no unfortunately Dave's been he's got he's gone off yeah unfortunately Dave's been in a bit of an accident he went out uh pigeon flirting and he flirted with the wrong pigeon yeah I've um I sent him to the old sailors this morning to to get me a glass amber to find me a long standing oh man if he ever does this alone with one of us he's trying to do the same thing now isn't he yeah yeah but it won't be as funny because we're hilarious I think like it it's just like Dave's there though it's you know but he's giving the same amount of meaningful input you know what I mean yeah there's one bonus we don't have to listen to him have his daily moan yeah I've I've I I'm kind of waiting we're all looking at the chair like he's like he's there I miss him I miss I missed the moan well I'm sure he'll come back next week with something to moan about yeah you know I didn't have time um to uh plan anything but this is actually the the the St Patrick's edition well it's actually the day after the St. Patrick's edition comes out although St. Patrick's Day hasn't happened yet yeah does that make sense so it comes out the day before doesn't it even out the day after day after Patrick's Day yeah yeah so that makes sense so we're recording it before Patrick's Day but it's gonna come out after Patrick's Day so essentially it's got nothing to do with St. Patrick's Day is what I'm saying.

unknown 2:01

St.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Paddy's Day so I thought now that is just a fucking piss up in it well yeah you see that's what I thought we'd we we won't do a huge podcast because it's just me and you and to be fair with Dave's waffling that's what manages to make it last like an hour because he's I don't know what road he goes down but you know what I mean so this might be quite a concise little little podcast that we end up doing. But yeah I think I'm sorry Dave in advance you're not sorry you know he'd do the exact same thing to you if you could bother being here I know I thought we would talk about well first off let's do a check-in how are you yeah I'm good today I'm good today in it um I'm happy positive actually I'm looking forward to going through a bit of a gym session to be honest isn't that not been to the gym for a few days but I'm alright I'm good stuff's going stuff's going well there's nothing going on for me yet there's nothing going on so um there's nothing to worry about there's nothing to worry about and you know everything that I need to be doing is happening um trying to get a bit of work yeah that's been okayed and stuff like that um but yeah same old normality innit's the same normal same old yeah I think it's one of those things in it I think also it's like you're doing well because you've got to bear in mind that you're kind of yeah of course it is you're doing well because we've I said it before but you could just go and get a job tomorrow because you know exactly what it is you you've qualified. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Of course I could so you I've got I've done that for the last a long time. Yeah so you it's juggling everything. It's not been right that's what I mean it's not been the right time to get to get work. And even when I think it's pretty tough you've you've still managed to say no I'm not I'm just not going to jump into it. Yeah 100% have been tough when and when I've it's probably right when when when there's a lot of stuff been going on and I've and I've wanted to probably avoid a lot of stuff. Yeah yeah yeah I think my head tells me to go to go into work instead he said I like facing reality. Yeah yeah do you know what I mean but there's a lot of times where I've been offered work and I've I'm turning it down because I know I need I still need to be I still need a lot to work on myself. Yeah yeah yeah but I'm getting to that point now where I need to be sort of looking at um looking at a bit of work yeah do you know what I mean? Yeah but like I say you're handling it right yeah you're not rushing into it yeah but I do initially want to I want to go I want to go working in um Chatham Barker that's my dream so I've got a course I've got a course that I've got a course coming up level two payment um which is an eight eight week course and that's gonna help me alongside with the job with the pay mentoring sort of role with the drug and alcohol support while what I do but but while that's in the air and I've got no work I'm probably just gonna go and do a little bit of and it's good to have that to fall back on as well it's good to have the idea that you can fall back on like you say you're gonna go and do a bit of electric work and whatever the fact that you can fall back on that is a bonus do you know what I mean or I've been able to do that all my life no that's what I mean do you know what I mean so you're able to pursue the things you actually want to do which is completely new to you in that respect since you've gone into recovery isn't it you're able to pursue the thing you want to do but you also don't need to cut off completely work.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Yeah I've been it's been it's been good obviously I've been I've been working on myself a lot so yeah I think with with with myself when we're working on myself if I had if I had lots of money I know the difficult when I go through difficult times I'd spend that money on making myself feel better so so to to be working on myself and going through the steps and you know really sitting with feelings that I have been doing for the last two years my initial head thought goes to treat myself if we have loads of money I'd buy stuff yeah yeah I'd buy tattoos I'd you know what I mean I'd buy trainers I'd buy load I'd buy loads of stuff so to it's been probably a treat for me not to not to have loads of money.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

Well the thing is is I've had to sit with my feelings if you look at what we did so we talked about detox the other week yeah and and going into detox and what that was and what have you and then we talked about recovery and actually like recovery houses and how some of them are different and some of the treatment you do but this in this is in and of itself an another thing which is actually how do you I know you never I'm not saying you leave recovery but that transition back to what you would call normal life you're managing it very well because so many people just the the they're so they're just drumps well I was a bricklayer so bam straight back to bricklaying but actually you've managed to transition out of that to do all your treatment you should surely transition slowly back into it even if that is what you're gonna do. Do you know what I mean? Like you said it's been alright because you've had a weather many years with no money but then you you want to go back and slowly start adjusting to your morals and making sure they're aligned with where you don't want to just jump back to what you were which was a young kid with a shed load of money every month because that kind of got you in trouble in the first or didn't didn't help in the first place.

SPEAKER_00 7:08

So you're doing it the right way it feel it fueled me using it got it got me to a got me to a place of hopeless hopelessness faster.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

And all on the money I had you know it fuelled me addiction so from a very young age whereas people probably spend 20 20 30 years and that I because I had a lot of money I got to that I got to that that done place. Yeah it's about 10 years. Yeah yeah do you know what I mean when I was on the streets homeless fucking with a really bad habit you know what I mean so it was like more money more problems when I quali when I qualified I qualified to become an electrician when I was um I was 21 yeah 20 21 round that age and then that then then I sort of jumped from apprentice wage to big boy wage which is like double the money 21 it's not fucking out and I hadn't and you know I didn't have any responsibilities. I think when I was 20 21 I was I was a living living with my dad yeah you know he said it was just like spend spend spend as much as you can and it wasn't like you know because I was an addict I couldn't stop fucking using.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Yeah he wasn't you know because and the other thing is because you know the building even nowadays put building sites and places like that the lads places really aren't they can say they're not but they are predominantly lads places and I know the culture's changing to an extent because crack them with money. Well that's what I mean like all the culture the you can see them trying to corporate things and make it look a bit more corporate and this that and the other and you know you know certain you have to have a certain slogan on the back of your hat or some shite but the reality of it is is you're less as long as the work gets done you're less accountable for your actions so you're able to get wasted the night before and as long as you turn up and get the work done the next day no one like it's not like working in fucking curries or something is it where you turn up the next day wasted and go go home you're not saving anyone you're not customer facing are you no so you're able to just essentially crack on crack on with it. Yeah yeah no a lot because that's that's all you've got is you your tools and your job fucking fucking eight times out of ten the foreman's a fucking pissed as well yeah yeah so he was he probably he was doing the same thing yeah yeah doing it with him yeah so it's like you know that that's oh we've got we've got a sneaky one here you know it doesn't he tries to avoid us doesn't he that's what he does come in and be on the camera for a minute no one will believe that you can walk with them little legs disregarding yeah you're a dick though we don't have swearing on this that's not new that though is it you know you know what I mean looks very similar don't touch that don't touch that don't you feel like a director now he sat there no no what are you doing oh well that's that done no but the other thing is is you're you've also found a job or career that you're going into that you like so that also you know if that pathway means that you'd be less inclined to drink and to do drugs because actually you you you you you're not drinking to mask more feelings of yeah so so I'm trying I'm finding a little bit of self self-acceptance now so I'm sort of feeling I'm comf I'm trying to defeat feel the world where I'm comfortable I've I've spent my whole life to a to a to a degree you know really just doing what my fucking dad's done and trying to impress in.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Yeah if you know what I mean look I high respects high respect to my dad and he got me a job and blah de blah you know he you got me an apprentice apprenticeship but it was just like I got forced into it in a way yeah it wasn't I was going down a bad road yeah so I I took it and you know I inju I I love I love electrics I'm I'm a good grafter um blah de blah di blah but it was just I still I was never comfortable that's why I was always using I never just because you're good at something doesn't mean you're passionate about it. No no I was just I was just good at my job yeah I was just I got taught very well yeah a lot of people around me you know me me my granddad's electrician your dad's electrician yeah yeah it was sort of yeah it's just what you didn't yeah it's in the blood but that doesn't mean that you know that doesn't mean that it was it it it was matched it matched my sort of I don't know it didn't it didn't really match what I was that internal stuff yeah not dealt with a lot of stuff growing up you know from my my mum's side of the family yeah because they brought me up so it was like I don't know I'm more comfortable with make me more comfortable with me now so I'm I'm sort of finding a bit of acceptance with what I like it's a bit a little bit difficult to sort of explain yeah well if you're finding out what you want to do that's the difference in it otherwise it's been forced upon you and you didn't quite know who you were in the first place so you've got someone who doesn't quite know who they are. At that time I I thought that was me. Yeah no that's what I mean yeah so you don't quite know who you are so something says you're an electrician and you go right okay alright and you just because you're a kid do you know what I mean you're 2020 no well I I got an apprenticeship when I was 15 yeah that's what I was fucking out you know because I was going nowhere in school and school I was just yeah yeah turning MDMA sniffing coke smoking smoking weed what school did you go to oh I was I was an alcoholic I'm joking I was an I was an alcoholic in school me I used to drink vodka before school you know I had to just to get into school that's that's how bad I was yeah that's not fucking normal no even then I've I was I used to like this is not normal for a fucking 14 year old yeah to be having a having a fucking half a bottle of vodka before I go to school just to just to get and then then while I was in school at dinner time I'd be having a spliff but I thought that was normal do you know what I mean well what we what what you consistently do becomes normal to you don't you especially if you've got role models that necessarily I don't mean even bad role models but if you haven't got someone to follow you've got no one to lead a path for what you need to do you kind of it just becomes habit and then habit becomes who you are doesn't it you are your habits aren't you know I mean you are what you consistently do so eventually it's just be it just becomes normal you're getting away with it it's making you get through the day then it just becomes normal don't it and I I I never thought of it was like established you know it was a bit like it was a bit of a shit might as well I just sort of follow this crowd and you know what I mean? Yeah yeah I had a lot of shit go I had a lot of shit going on when I was young so yeah think thinking back now was yeah I just I just follow wherever I felt accepted. Yeah yeah yeah it's not even for you yeah that's different that's initially going back to where the conversation was going I just like shape shift merged merged into you know got into the group of crowd when I was young and just wherever I felt yeah accepted because I wasn't at home yeah yeah you know we had a lot of shit going on so never never got the lover that I got at home so I've I seeked it if you know seeked it that way into acceptance with it's a common story with with with with with some kids. I found it in drinking drugs when I had it's like when I had that initial initial first experience of a substance it's like wow that's that's that's that's what I need. Yeah and that and that and that initially that just carries on it's like you've you found your sort of for me you found that love.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

Well that's it's the love and the stability because as that as it sounds the law your whole life is not stable that mate that's a consistent innit do you know what I mean so you can have a drink and you're kind of consistent in it.

SPEAKER_00 14:50

Don't and look don't get me wrong like I without without without especially alcohol without alcohol at some points in my life I fucking probably would have fucking hung myself. Yeah got me through it. Yeah yeah do you know that some some really like times where I've been alone and dark places and without alcohol pushing me through like without alcohol and I remember when I was doing I was doing all my exams for college because I did it I went to college for four years and I stayed on my fucking cousin's couch for fucking all the way through it. Yeah just just every night just fucking drinking and my my cousin he was fucking selling a bit of coke and but it was like that got me through it and I don't know why it was just like I was just because it was a really horrible situation. Yeah yeah because it was off my head all the time it just it was manageable yeah yeah so I couldn't imagine it if I wasn't if I was sober living on a couch trying to get to work trying to get to college yeah you know what I mean uh it was just a really bad period but I got and I and I and I did it and I got through and I passed I don't know fucking how there must be some something inside me that I think it show up shows now with the way I am it's a bit driven if you know what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

Yeah you've got your own characteristics that like you say you know that alcohol and a drug masks things but you and you said it yourself in the past about like the onion you you're peeling to get to your true self out yeah yeah and essentially that you know determination or passion for things that was probably always there always there just it's just but shouldn't the the the addition to drugs and this that and the other just yeah needed addressing it distorted it yeah definitely always fuck myself up you know what I mean and I think that's the other thing is with people in recovery is that so you you peel away and you try to find your true self and whatever even though you can say well from this year to this year.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Well it's bit it's being comfortable with your true self.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

Well that's it but even though from like let's say you say well I drank and drink drunk drank drunk and drank I drank and did drugs from this year to this year right whatever the years are doesn't mean that that whole period of time that that you that you were just a horrible person you still had drive to do things you still had drive to do it's just that there is that much shit on top of it. Do you understand what I mean? I think a lot of people forget that a lot of people just write those years off. But just because you did bad things during that timeframe or what or or things that you perceived to be bad during that time frame that you might want to make amends for or anything like that doesn't mean you internally yourself were were were necessarily a bad person. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 17:18

It's like a bit of a I was reading I was reading some literature yesterday and this night so a bit like a Jacqueline Hyde sort of lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Yeah do you know what I mean? Well that's it in it so you can blame even up subconsciously you can blame alcohol and this that and the other so that's the bonster that you become because that's all it is a Jekyll and Hyde is just a potion that you drink and it's the same thing. So you've drank a potion and that's made you this and then your normal day to day I found I was quite I've I've obviously through years but I was quite close to somebody that had that had a drink and drug problem and I found that that the person themselves was quite nice right just normal whatever and then they would do drink and drugs and they would do something that was bad during drink and drugs that the next day when they sober up they didn't drink they didn't they what they drank to forget what they'd done and then it just slowly became a cycle of so you that person in the morning drink. Yeah so that person in the morning would but they couldn't cope with what they'd done so that person wouldn't go drink in the first place yes and then they go drink again that's what people do know what I mean and then all over that that kind of just becomes a spiral effect of actually if you can get that person sober once you can have a normal ish conversation with them but actually as it afterwards they can't live with what they've done and they just go right because it everyone's I mean most people who've drank have done something fucking stupid that drip feeds back to them the next day they go oh shit oh no is that me yeah but when it becomes such a point where it's affected your family or your friend network or your work that's when people can't they just can't a lot of people just give in and go I'm done I'll just drink again I'll just drink again do you know what I mean it becomes a spiral do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 18:57

Then a lot of people get physically addicted then so then they can't then they can't then they can't stop because because of that cycle in the first place. They might not even be an alcoholic yeah we talk about alcoholism it's there from a young age anyway a lot of people you say like I have one bad piss up do some destruction and drink on that drink on that and drink on that then they get physically addicted so they need it then don't they yeah and they end up being getting in a rehab but it doesn't have it doesn't have to mean you're initially you're a you're an alcoholic it's just it might mean you just that's there's a difference there is a difference I find I find a lot a lot of that as well because I always question people and when rehabs and in the rooms are you really an addict it's like you know yeah do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 19:39

Yeah yeah they might have just it's just like I've just thrown a couple of bad experiences in life yeah yeah it's never it's never there as do you know what I mean yeah because once they get clean so it goes back just to just go normal straight away it goes back to the to the conversation we had a few weeks ago which is again the for me there is the big difference between sobriety and addiction and people in addiction tend to have problems and those problems are why they drink people who are like me for instance will have a drink that cause problems yeah yeah which uh do you know what I mean so the drink is the thing that caused the problem the the whereas other people will have the problems that cause them to drink that's the difference between an addict and someone just living in sobriety I think yeah does that make sense um right quickly we we could you said 20 minutes but St. Patrick's in the field that you know we need to celebrate it. Paddy's day what was how was that uh supposed to be Irish but it probably may not sound Irish something no you are Irish as well am I sure Irish yeah yeah and I was just wondering like have you ever actually heard an Irish person because that's well all my family are Irish yeah so so that's why I wanted to talk about so obviously for me I grew up in quite a big Irish area uh South Manchester um Trafford area was part of an Irish area of Irish family yeah yeah um St. Patrick's Day was a huge thing um for for us and I suppose what I wanted to talk about not necessarily St Patrick's Day itself although it is going to it was St Patrick's Day yesterday technically what I'm talking about is these these social gatherings whether it be like St Patrick's Day whether it be um you know Christmas do whether it be a works do whether it be a wedding how how do you find like what's your opinion of this idea of how how people can still take part without feeling obliged to to I mean so for me it's a bit different.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Do you know my what come to my head then was so when you say when you say St Patrick's Day what comes to my head is a leprechaun and Guinness. Yeah yeah well that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

So how do you take how'd you so how'd you how do you take the Guinness out but still have the leprechaun?

SPEAKER_00 21:51

Then I've my head's going to like you can get that zero percent Guinness. But yeah yeah but you couldn't that's I wouldn't do that I wouldn't do that like you know

SPEAKER_01 22:00

I know all I know So I I so I I drink I drink zero percent Guinness so it's so in that respect I'm not acting from an ad I'm I'm asking for I'm asking from an addict's point of view for social events and stuff like that. For me, like you know, um just don't do it anything that I do.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

So depends how depends how comfortable you are in your comfortable you are in your recovery. I don't know. It's like if look, if if you're not if you don't feel comfortable going to a St. Patrick's doing and just cut you just got into recovery because of altism, don't fucking go.

SPEAKER_02 22:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

Don't don't feel like you're missing out in something. Yeah. Because you're not. Because like nine nine times out of ten, the people are I don't know, you're not you know what I mean. They're probably not bothered that you're there, they're probably not bothered that you're there anyway.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

Like, I don't know, like you're not building people's confidence, are you? Well, not really. That was a horrible thing to say.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

Listen, don't call, no one wants you. No, no one will miss you. No, I'm not right. I'm I'll try and rephrase that. It's like because I know a lot of people that come into recovery and they they always feel like they're missing out, like raves and stuff, yeah. They feel like they're missing out, like all the friends are going, they feel like they're they're they're they're not feeling accepted, or do you know what I mean? Or don't if you don't go to say Paddy's Day to see the family because they might feel like they're not accepting.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

And it doesn't have to be Paddy's Day, anything like that. So any kind of big gathering where it's like like you say, so you know, um for me, uh paddy's would be an example, but for me, it's easy, isn't it? Because I can have not piqued sent Guinness. And when when when I was at the last week, I was at I could walk around drinking orphat Guinness, and no one realised that that's what I was doing. So everyone was like, Oh, we're all wasted, and I was like, Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

Depends how strong you are, it depends how like you know, I've I'd if I went if I went to an event, I'd have like a fucking diet at Coke or something. Would you actively avoid events? Um I'm not big on them in the first place, mate. Maybe not. I'm quite a bit of a I'm quite a bit of a lone wolf. Yeah, yeah. Um I'm not that one to forbid crowds, yeah, yeah, partying, especially pissed up people around me. I struggle with fucking sober people around me sometimes. Yeah, so I think sometimes when the people are pissed around me, it gets on my nerves. Well, I think sometimes that's a good antidote too as well, to be fair, because like so I didn't I'd rather just stay stay at home or I'd rather just stay at home and I didn't really drink when I was younger because bother me.

SPEAKER_01 24:22

Because I did the door, well, because of boxed for a bit, and then I did the doors, and when I did the doors, I would see how many what what people actually look like drunk, and I think I don't want to be them fucking noveds, yeah. So then I just wouldn't drink. So that that kind of saved me from getting like becoming a mad piss head because of that, because I'd be like, I don't want to look like them fuckers. Yeah, do you know what I mean? So suppose I think it's just because the I think for me, I think it's from a realistic point of view, is is because for me it's about not everything's about alcohol. No, it's not, and so like for instance, if you go if you want to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, you've got like for instance the big parade, you've got like family events in the market hall, same with like things like wakes, you're not there to you're not there to get through.

SPEAKER_00 25:05

It's about the the it's about the connection, and that's take it's that's what the galleries are for, and it's about anything like that, yeah. Just about the the social connection where you go and you you just feel part of, and yeah, it's nice to see people say hello, all that stuff. Take you know, don't don't have to have alcohol to make you feel better. A lot of people feel like they need alcohol to have fun. Yeah, that's that's that's the difference, that's where a lot of the a lot of mindset is. Do you know what I mean? I now need to have a few pints so this event will be fun.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

See, for me, so I I would I was a bit kind of one of those people to some extent, but yeah, yeah. For me, it's changed to the point where things like I actively make sure so now I don't I genuinely don't I don't crave or drink anything now, really. Um, for you a few years, yeah. But like for but but for me it'll be things like and I under I appreciate that it's different because I'm not an addict, but for me I I it'll be things like making sure that that it's I'm taking them and embracing the whole thing, so it'll be the food. There we go. Do you know what I mean? So like I find that with a lot of a lot of people is that because you concentrate so much on it's saying paddy's let's get wasted, or it's a or or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 26:15

That's that's how it's marketed, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

It's marketing, innit? Yeah, yeah. Whereas for us it'll be a case of the parade, or it'll be a case of nice food, or you know, and the same thing with like anything like that, whether it be Easter, whether it be Christmas, whether it be a family birthday, or anything like that. You know, someone's 60th and everyone needs to go and get wasted. Well, you don't actually, you can turn up and like not have a drink and just embrace the atmosphere and do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 26:38

You know, you can really you can have fun without a colour.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Of course you can. I think one of the problems people struggle with is the question of why don't you why you why are you not drinking?

SPEAKER_00 26:49

That's one of the biggest so for me, again, I I don't know a lot of people do it, but you know, we're we're we're animals of a socially accepted sort of culture. Yeah, yeah. If we don't feel like we're socially accepted, you know, you know, human beings, this is what I this is this is my perspective. Human beings we're not I'm not talking about alcoholics and addicts in general. We need three things in life to make us feel whole, which is number one, is to be socially accepted, you know, in in a in a sort of in a in a in a friend group or gang to make so we feel comfortable, we feel like we should be there, you know. Num num number two is that we should be um financially supported. So you think about having a roof over our heads, having money, yeah, yeah, that stuff, and then number three is having a sexual having a sexual relationship with your partner. Them three things in life, if we've got all if we've got all them sort of sorted, we're gonna be alright. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, so it it says it in in the um it says it in it says it in the Alcoholics Anonymous book. Yeah, yeah. If we've got them three sorted, we will never drink again.

SPEAKER_02 28:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

If one of them's out of proportion, we're gonna it's gonna be it's gonna tip our recovery.

SPEAKER_02 28:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

You know, one and one one is one is always gonna be out of proportion.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. That's what you want, because you want, you know, you want you want to be socially accepted, you want to you want to be secure in your in your financial state, and you you know, you a relationship with a partner, you know what I mean. So what do you what so so don't know, I'll just I'll just went on then then?

SPEAKER_01 28:31

No, no, because it was you you ran you're answering it, you're explaining why people have the fear of it. So the question would be so like someone comes up to me and says, Oh, how come you're not drinking? Well, to be fair, most people don't say it to me because I look like I am, because I'll get an alcoholic beer. There we go. So it's different for me. And it's it's just in a normal Guinness class, isn't it? Yeah, so so so so it's different for me, but what I'm on about is like for yourself, or do you struggle with those? See you later, champ.

SPEAKER_00 28:59

Let us know if you find that's not.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

I will, yeah, I'll let you know. Uh a lot of people struggle with that question. So you're in a not as not in a safe place in regards to like with um people in recovery, for instance, but you've just gone you go into could be a date, but it could be any kind of social gathering with work, or how do you address the why are you not drinking? I know it sounds like a really daft question, but it's one of the I just say I'm in recovery. Oh, so there you go.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

Yeah, and I said I can't, I'm in recovery. Yeah, I know if they ask people they just say if it's the question that I'm just I just don't drink, mate. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I really sort of have it's the assertiveness straight away.

SPEAKER_01 29:37

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

It's just that I don't drink, mate. I'm okay, mate. Yeah, done. There's no like a lot of people are trying persuade you to, yeah. But it's just like I'm in recovery, I don't drink. Yeah, and then if it gets to a point you just gotta walk away.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

Well, so you have to leave at some point, don't you? To be fair when it comes to anything like that. I think a lot of it people ask because like you said before, it's the culture in which we grow up in.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

The way the way society is now, a lot of people know what recovery is.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

Yeah, because the awareness is out there, innit? I think things yeah, I think there's a lot more out there. I think certainly things where like the COVID, I think there's a lot of people that realize that that people realise that A, they could fall into addiction very fast if they were given stay at home and and do nothing. A lot of routine, yeah, and also coming out of it, people I think a lot of people struggle. I know a lot of people struggled coming out of COVID because because you were locked in your house and you've got one hour a day or something to go out, and then how do you split up your day? So you time you were out, you time that hour to do to go out to the park and then you have your dinner, so then you're gonna get beers in.

SPEAKER_00 30:37

Fucking I what through COVID, we I stayed at my dad's house, and every morning I used to fucking line the cans up on the path and then hop on every single time just so we could fit it in the bin. Start hopping on every can because we had to squeeze it to get it in the bin. Yeah, like I was drinking about 20-30 cans a day. Yeah, it was mad. My dad was the same, and we had a mate staying over, and he was fucking 20-30 cans. So between us, fucking hell, we'd be doing like 500 cans a fucking week. In the bin, yeah. So we all we made a game because we weren't that boring at all. We're like hopping on cans, maybe you could do it the fastest. It's not all bad, sir. But yeah, that's just sorry, that's just about on a tangent, then, because that's remind me of COVID.

SPEAKER_01 31:23

No, but that's it, and I think that's like I said, I think you've answered the question, which is you would just say I'm in recovery, because a lot of people know what recovery is.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

And just be assertive, be assertive about it, and you know, and and and really know that's what what's what you are.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

That's the thing. I think when you go to these places, you need to know what you've gone for, and if you've gone there to have a good evening evening, yeah, if you've gone there to have a good evening and this, that, and the other, then you shouldn't ever have to this sounds I don't mean this to sound the way it does, but what I'm trying to say is if you if you had a partner and you went to an Irish festival or whatever you went to, right? And someone says, Oh, can I have a kiss? And you go, No, but I've got a partner, you would do that, wouldn't you? No, I've got a partner. Same thing, it's the same thing. If someone comes up to you and say, Can I have a drink? Well, no, I'm in recovery. And you need to go there knowing that that's your intent.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

Oh, I'm an alcoholic, or you know, yeah, you need to go there, but that's your intent, don't you? If you don't, I think if they can't respect that, then it's fucking it shouldn't be around him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. If they can't respect that I'm an alcoholic, then I don't think it shouldn't be my mate.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

And I do think things like having if you've got a strong, we've done stuff here at Christmas. You did something this Christmas, we did something last Christmas where it was like where where where sometimes you can just do your own recovery-based stuff where it's getting people together and stuff where you're like, well, actually, you know, everything's the same, we're still gonna have fucking Irish festival, for instance. You can say, Well, we're still gonna bring up a little band in and what have you, we're gonna do some Kaylee dancing, we're gonna do this, that, and the other. There's just gonna be no drink in the building, it's just and everyone comes on the same understanding then.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

Because what's tea, coffee, and cans of coke or something like that.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

Because one thing is expecting sober people to understand that you want that you don't want to drink. It's another thing expecting drunk people to understand anything. So you need to pick the situations you go to as well. So, like, that's like anything, isn't it? You're you can find a dickhead wherever you go, who doesn't who no matter what you say, it's got it's doesn't have to be recovery. Do you know what I mean? Someone who can come up to you and say, Will you buy me a drink? You say no, and they say, buy me a drink, say no, buy me a drink, because they're pissed. Yeah, of course. So I think it's about the situation in which you put yourself as well, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 33:23

And also as well, it isn't these we can go to a you can go to a meeting, or you can go instead of going out, a lot of people do it, instead of going out New Year's Eve, we all have go to a meeting instead and feel accepted there.

SPEAKER_02 33:34

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

Instead of being accepted out in town with your mates, yeah, who are all drinking, and now you realize you can't do that. So it's going going around people who in the same boat as you are feeling accepted there. I think it's all about the feeling of feeling of accepted around that stuff. Yeah, and I and they have the conversation wanting to fit in, that's what it all comes down to. It's not the fact that they want to be there drinking with the mates, they want to be there feel in the in the group circle where they want to feel accepted.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

And I think one of the other things is, and I suppose we'll finish on this, is the reason I asked the question, and you're never going to get a great answer. I'm not saying your answer wasn't great, I'm trying to explain this. You'll never get an answer from me because I don't drink, but I'm able to drink non-alcoholic beers. Does that make sense? So so for me, I'll just it I'll just have a non-alcoholic and I and I like it, I like non-alcoholic beaver because I don't drink for the alcohol, so so so I can drink that, so it's not an issue. So the answer from me might not be very helpful for someone who's who's an addict, but the answer from you might not be either because the bike being an addict, but it might not be in recovery. Yeah, and what I would say is the only answer for the people in the middle, so essentially people who are listening, and we do get a few because I've read the comments who are on the fence, and they still the the the haven't either admitted to anyone else that they've got a problem, so they want to try and maintain the friend group and this, that and the other. The answer is recovery, and that's it. I think I don't think there is an answer. I don't think there's a way of doing it. If you're not happy to say I don't I don't drink because you don't want to ruin your friend group or this, that and the other, you need I think the answer is you need to you need to address recovery, you need to step away from that now, yeah. And and and probably think no, actually, because how long are you gonna live the life for? So as cheesy as it might sound, the answer for you probably is entering some kind of recovery.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

If you're that guy you go he's gonna go out, say Patrick's Day, who what was yesterday? Next week, but what was yesterday? So if you did go out with your friends and and for some apparent reason you you've been out four days on a bender, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:37

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

It's just maybe the answer for you is recovery. You should have a look well, yeah, you should have a look at that. It's like because you you question I used to question how come how come or my friends go home and they can go and get a kebab and they can have a sleep, and then you know what I mean. But for me, it's like I'd stay I'd stay up for fucking six nights and it'd be on fucking us, just from just from that fucking first pint of guineas, yeah, you know, going out, yeah, where where and then so it's like all right, then I need to have a look at that because if it's always happening that some there's some you know what I mean, there's some sort of reasons behind it, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 36:12

Like they say so so. If you're worried and you're listening to the podcast and you're thinking, oh man, how am I gonna go out and say paddy's and then and then a lot of people that's it, a lot of people are worried they do that, they know they do that.

SPEAKER_00 36:24

Yeah, I don't want to go like I don't want to go out because when I have that one first part of Guinness, yeah, they're gonna end up in a fucking crackhouse three days later.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:31

But they want to go out because the all the mates are going out and they want to be accepted and feel like feel part of.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

I think that and again that's why it's about recovery in that respect. If you've not entered recovery, you probably need to because one of the biggest things it'll do is teach you about yourself and then you're confident enough as a person to say, Yeah, I'll still come out with you, but I'm not drinking. But not drinking. Because I don't drink anymore.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

If you don't like if you don't respect that, then I'm not going to be around you. Well, if you don't respect that, yeah, just keeping your own self.

SPEAKER_01 36:56

The first time you don't expect it, they'll accept it, they don't understand. The second time they're probably like your friends. Yeah. Because you don't have to understand somebody to respect what they've said. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:05

You know what I mean? Respect the initial like you know, a lot of your friends will probably know that. Yeah. You are an alcoholic anyway.

SPEAKER_01 37:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:11

Because the way you behave or yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:13

Because you call fucking Mad Dave.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

Yeah. Or a gay red Gary. They'll call it you behind the back. Yeah, so they probably know.

SPEAKER_01 37:25

I feel like right now we should we should have finished this with like some Irish stew or some bacon and cabbage or something.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

Oh, I used to love when nanny used to make that bacon and cabbage.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

Bacon and cabbage.

SPEAKER_00 37:33

Yeah, or used to boil the cabbage. Yeah, boil the bacon. Yeah, she used to make a nice fucking mash, but she used to put like little bits of onion in the mash. Yeah. Don't know when she the way she used to do it. Yeah. Here and the tea's ready. Jamaican, Jamaican.

SPEAKER_01 37:51

From the Caribbean. Yeah. Or white pudding, do you like white pudding? Yeah, yeah. White pudding.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

White pudding, black pudding. I my nanny used to make a breakfast with a fucking burger on it. Fried onions, you know, white pudding, black pudding. Oh, fucking the the works. Oh man. You know what I mean? To listen to getting up to listen to Irish. I'm reminiscing now because my nana brought me up, so that's the house I was in. Nana was now and grandma were mad Irish, so we used to wake up to the nanny used to listen to the f the fiddle in the morning. Oh, does she? Or she's just and she'd get me dancing, make me a breakfast. And she used to yeah, fucking wint. The Fiori's and the Clancy brothers. Yeah, the Clancy Brothers and the Dubliners and used to like the Poes and um all loads. Yeah. Used to get me up. I used to go to um watch watch Riverside, River Dance. River Dance, yeah. I've been to her a few of them. Well, have you been? When I was young, young, when my nanny used to take me when I was the actual river dance thing.

SPEAKER_01 38:51

Yeah, we were river dance. Yeah, we we were kids, we um we'd have to fucking so my mum was best mates with it with this other woman and her and she we my mum and have our boys, but she had a she had girls, well she had a boy, but she had girls as well, and they were all fucking Irish dancers. So my mum would be like, Oh right, but we'll go and support them, and then you'd be sat there all fucking Saturday, or unless it was a two-day competition, and your weekend would be sent watching Irish dancing, yeah, and you'd be like, What the fuck am I doing here?

SPEAKER_00 39:21

Yeah, Irish Irish I used to love it because there was a is there's a church um in Shrepford, I forgot what it's called. St. John's do a lot of Irish dancing there, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:31

So so so Saint St John's big so a lot of a lot of my family on um St John's because you've got