F’n SOBER

Ep9: We are back

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We apologise for our recent absence, we’ve had a lot going on the past few weeks. Some good… Working on developments for the community centre. Some not so good….Dave's had a camera up his bum

Welcome to the Drunk & Disorderly podcast….Sorry we meant the F’n Sober podcast 

Each week we discuss issues around recovery/sobriety as well as whatever other random rubbish comes into our heads 

#sobriety #sober #recovery #soberlife #addiction #soberliving #soberaf #alcoholfree #recoveryispossible #mentalhealth #sobercurious #addictionrecovery #sobermovement #wedorecover #onedayatatime #soberissexy #soberlifestyle #sobrietyrocks #alcoholicsanonymous #cleanandsober #sobercommunity #alcoholism #odaat #mentalhealthawareness #aa #steps #sobermom #selflove #addictionawareness #selfcare

SPEAKER_03

All right, you're halfway up the screen.

SPEAKER_00

You don't have to see this, don't you?

SPEAKER_02

All right.

SPEAKER_00

Thanks for coming. I appreciate it that's on. It's ready. It's recording. Well, ladies and gentlemen, uh major announcement. Dave's back. Get resurrected, on it. Resurrection. How are you, mate? You died on the cross for us. Get in there.

SPEAKER_03

Get in where? Health wise. But I've got to go back. So I'm hoping we can touch on men's health. Mental and physical at one point. Okay, we'll do that now.

SPEAKER_01

I've got an ultrasound in the morning. Have you? Do you know one of them for your liver? No, I don't know. I know what an ultrasound is. Have you ever had an ultrasound, Dave? Not that I can recall, man.

SPEAKER_00

Not that went like that.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, so they they put it on you put it near your liver and it's like they do like it vibrates and it gets a reading of your liver without it. I think Oh right. So that's the. Yeah, sorry, that's what happened.

SPEAKER_00

Well, no, it was just wasn't very just now you've explained it. Yeah, sorry, it's just a still.

SPEAKER_01

It's like charitis, isn't it? Yeah, see how my liver is. Because um from my blood tests. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So has that come back saying Yeah, that's come back saying it's the the levels of high enzymes and some other sort of thing where I leave. I thought it was that thing you use for massaging your so-called muscles. Yeah, it's something like that.

SPEAKER_03

It's the sort of you use it a lot upstairs when you're on your own, don't you? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But yeah, um and the thing. I've got batteries if you need well, I've got loads of them.

SPEAKER_00

This is all this is all changed, hasn't it? This is all this has all become very fanciful. X-rated. Yeah. No, but after dark. This is like effing sober. After dark.

SPEAKER_03

Granny's knickers will be greatly accepted. Effing sober with the with the with the gloves off.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, with gloves on and then the gloves on to the gloves on, I think, would be better. Yeah, especially especially in your room. Um, okay, well let's talk, let's go straight into it. Let's go into men's health then. So there's other things you want to talk about, but let's go into men's health. So just to right.

SPEAKER_03

My mind's cleared up. Um my life's coming back together. But because I've neglected my physical health over the years, now these things are stacking up. Yeah. And now I'm finding now that I'm I'm at the doctors more, I'm at the therapy more, I'm at the hospital more. Things that I neglected years ago are coming back to army now. So I've got to go back in hospital next week.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And it's where I thought it was gonna be a quick procedure, it's now turning into something else. So and and that's what I've been thinking about this week. After after using this phone call, I thought, oh, I'm in the clear, but obviously I'm not. Yeah. And it's purely because I didn't do what I was supposed to do over the years, which is keep my appointments, connect with the doctors, connect with the hospital, do these things what I should have done.

SPEAKER_00

I think there's two things. I think there's people in addiction who um well I think there's three things. I think there's people in addiction who doesn't matter what you tell them in regards to what what they should and shouldn't do in regards to the doctor. The day it's essentially the day is uh and I'm I'm generalizing here, but the day tends to be finding the money to do drink or drugs, doing drink or drugs, and anything else in the middle is an inconvenience.

SPEAKER_01

So it's just like a brown dog day, innit?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so so you've got that, so obviously that builds up any obviously the drug and drink isn't helping itself, but then also anything that might have been happening that's got nothing to do with that, you're also kind of not paying attention to or masking. Yeah, you're masking the problem with the problem at the end of the day. Then you've got Joe Public like me, for instance, who you know, it takes it takes something quite major for me to actually start paying attention to. Do you know what I mean? I think all men in the same way. Yeah, in general, so like you know a couple of deaths last year. So we sent I said this on another podcast, but so you so I had a couple of quite significant deaths last year, but even then, when the first person died, I um it was like, oh, I need to get my blood stunned and I need to do this, that and the other. And I got most of my stuff done, but then afterwards you're kind of like, Oh, I'll do it next week, cancelling appointments, and then and then another significant person died, and I was like, Oh, I was doing that, I need to get back on that again, even losing weight. So, obviously, I and I needed to lose a little bit of weight um for things like my blood pressure and stuff like that. And um, and I came, the first person died, and I was had lost quite a bit of weight, and this, that, and the other, and I was make not so much that I was paying attention to what I was eating and making sure that actually, you know, all this trying to keep my size on but do lose weight properly. So I was doing all that, then the other person got ill, but when the other person got ill, any kind of diet goes out the window because you're eating at whatever time at night and this, that, and the other, and then and then you just continue for a bit. So you've got that person who who doesn't really do anything, probably be for twofold. One, because you get mixed up in your day-to-day life, two, because you've got probably be nothing, and three, if you're being honest with yourself, you're scared because you think you don't want to know, I actually don't want to know, driven by fear, okay. Um, and then you've got the third person, which is the guy where you two kind of are now, which is that you know, your liver, you're probably ignoring things, you've got to a point where actually you're in the mentality of recovery is in place, so your detox is done, yeah, and your mentality is in a good place because you're doing your step work and you're doing the actual recovery itself, but then you've still got all this physical left over of either either stuff you didn't look after that might have actually nothing to do with drink or drugs itself, but you didn't pay attention to during that time frame, or your liver, where it's like, Well, actually, yeah, you you mentally you're fine and you detox, but then every now and then something will creep up and be like, Hello, I'm here.

SPEAKER_03

I want that track on the mentally, I'm not fine mentally. Yeah, that's another part of me that needs addressing. Yeah, because if I had any issues, I'd use. Yeah, that was it. Simple as that was me, that was my mentor.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I think that that's twofold. I think you've got obviously you you're um you're addressing stuff now that you've that you've ignored for years. Yeah, you've either mashed through drink or whatever, or or sometimes you may not even have enough clarity to to understand them properly until now, if that makes sense. Then you know what I mean, because that because because you're only in you only have your own experience. So for you, as mad as it sounds, some of the stuff that happened for you was normal because you only have your own experience. Now with clarity, no drink, no drugs, talking about it with groups of other people, hearing other people's experiences, you get to a point and you think actually no, that wasn't even remotely normal. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah I I was in in addiction, I mean I don't like. So it was behaviours that I just naturally went to. If there was in pain to use, yeah, if it was on relationship problems use, yeah, life wasn't going right use, we've life was going right use, yeah, all of this stuff. But now because I made the decision that I'm getting well, I'm far from well, that I am engaging with the doctors, and now what you've just said, the stuff's coming back to haunt me in a way that I used up and neglected back then, and I'm finding now at my ripe old age, it's it's difficult now at my age. If I was doing it when I was at Kieran's age, I bounced back in it quicker. But what happened last week? I thought, oh god, I might go through that again. But now I've got a phone call yesterday, I've got to go through it again. Yeah. So and it is no way. It's been explained to me that if this would have been dealt with a lot when it should have been dealt with, if I'd have gone through this procedure before, I wouldn't be as proper. Yeah. There is good news with it because I I'm getting it some kind of a clean bill of health. Yeah, but I I'll have to go through new tests now.

SPEAKER_01

I think that's where you find a bit of acceptance around it, that like now you have neglected your bobby. Yeah. It's sort of my fault that I've done this thing's got me, so if I've got to do it.

SPEAKER_00

To some extent, it's like it's it's a bit like an additional hurdle that you didn't see coming, and I think that what happens with a lot of people is you detox, so you clean your whole body out, and then you do what is recovery, so you do your step work and this, that, and the other. And because you detox, so so so day to day you're feeling a lot better, and because you're addressing certain things, you you kind of feel like any leftover in regards, you don't I don't even think anyone thinks I don't think anyone ever thinks, oh yeah, but my liver or the or or my stomach, or no one really thinks. Maybe they do, maybe that's just my perception.

SPEAKER_01

But I think I've had a couple of like near near-death fucking experiences, yeah. You know, through drinking drug use, yeah. So it's like I'm sort of looking fucking scared now because I want to look after my body, you know what I mean? Because I can because I can feel that fear. Yeah, the only way to deal with that fear is to put action in around it, yeah. 100%. The only way to get rid of that fear is not knowingly consciously that I'm doing something about it, going to the doctors, following appointments, doing the best I can do. Otherwise, if it was using that, that'd be the the using take away that fear, but now I'm not using, you've got to deal with life.

SPEAKER_00

Well, it is it's kind of like to some extent, it's a bit like um procrastination. And what I mean by that is is you you know you need to do certain things, but you don't even want to start doing those things because you're scared what'll happen when you start.

SPEAKER_01

You're scared of the of the the answer that's not even there yet.

SPEAKER_00

But but most of the time with procrastination, you find actually once you get the ball rolling, it's a lot easier than you think. Yeah, but it's just getting the ball rolling, and then also like I think it's taking that first step, it's it's taking the first step because without sounding like you're entitled, I don't mean that, but you know, you you think to yourself, well, actually, fuck me, I stopped using drugs and I started addressing my shit. We should be equal, we should be done now. Are we not done? That's our reds though, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Our heads, our reds don't fucking match the body.

SPEAKER_03

This is why I want to talk about this now. Yeah, because we can talk about getting clean all we like, yeah. We get clean after the first step, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

But there's so much more that you need to deal with, yeah. And again, you do your step work and stuff. Uh going back to your mental health, you do your step work and stuff, but but again, that isn't necessarily addressing the the the actual problems in regards to, like you say, maybe going to sit down with with a psychiatrist or or that's different than step work, so your step work you know helps you clear some of the stuff you've done is not that's all recovery, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah, but actually help sorry, step work helps you look at yourself and realise where these problems are. But then you need to further address them. I said this way it recovery, yeah, and treatment especially is you're like an old engine. Strip you apart, clean you up, and put you back together. You're not a brand new engine, you're still the same old engine, you just clean up, yeah, just work a little bit better. We're covering that's the thing about it. This is why I'm talking about it now, because I know there's gonna be a lot of people out there who see this are in the same boat as me, that now I'm playing catch-up. Yeah. That's where that's where yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Well you've got to play catch up at some point anyway, if it's not now, it's in ten years. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and I think that's the thing. I think the problem is, is and this I don't mean this disrespectful, it's just a viewpoint. The problem is, is that sometimes you see, because there was a certain amount of time where you were le you were using, yeah, you can blame to some extent the reason you're playing catch-up on the fact that you were using. Does that make sense? Yeah, but however, I do think there's something in there where actually similar to m to people just general job blogs like me, which is actually I leave things fucking far too long as well.

SPEAKER_01

You'll leave it until you're actually in hospital.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and and the problem is is that I don't have anything to blame it on. So I think what I mean is sometimes I think that you can be too hard on yourself because you think you're playing catch-up based on the fact that we you were using, whereas from a men's point of view, there's a good chance you would have still been in the same position because most of us won't do anything anyway. Yeah, do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_00

Listen, I'm not going to mention any names, but we've heard stories even over the last few weeks where you would have gone, how I would have gone, right? How the f have you not gone to the hospital by this point? Do you know what I mean? And then and and then they do end up going or whatever. We've heard that ourselves lately. So you there are stories where you think, all right, that's that's too far for me, I would have gone by that point. But would we well again, maybe not? I think you've got two things. I think you've got the physical element of it, and again, this is this is where you're looking after your body, you're eating well. If you're doing what Kieran's doing, you're going to the gym all the time and what have you. So you really feel like you need a break now because not only have you done the recovery and you you've stopped, you've done the detox, you've done the the somewhat of the mental framework with your step work, but then you're in the gym nearly every day doing your work, and then someone comes along and goes, Oh, we've done a blood test on your liver, and this, and you think, Fuck me, give me a fucking break. Do you know what I mean? You could be because you're doing everything, however, on the other side of things, you've got your mental element of it, which again is the same kind of thing, you but you you've done your detox, you've done your step work and what have you, but you've still got these things in the past that you need to sit down and speak to people about.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, because of because I think step work helps you find these things, and I don't think it helps you address it. That's it, yeah. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that that is it. That that's what happens, and that's when you realise that a lot of people who are in recovery do have trauma from the past that led them to using well.

SPEAKER_00

That like I've I've I'm it's coming a cliche because I say it all the time now, but that is the problem. I've always said that people like me drink and cause problems, people like yourselves have problems, so you drink or do drugs or whatever. But I think that's the issue. Do you know what I mean? You're doing it to mask things, you're doing it to forget things, and the problem is it works so well at masking and protecting things that that although you may know you've been masking and protecting, you've been doing it that long, you don't actually know what it is you've been masking, so then you start digging through it and going, Oh, this happened, this happened. That's that's what happened. Yeah, yeah. That is the step we're but I do think again, I think that you're doing the right things, you you got following look at that. So I won't go into detail because it's not my business, but the appointment you went to the other day wasn't really an appointment, it was it was something where they said we would like you to take part in something. Now, that was me, because I'm a selfish fuck even now. I'd have gone, nah, I'm not doing it. I I thought about it, I had the option, yeah. But you but you did, and now look at the outcome, which is actually can you come back because we want to check this, that, and the other. So so you are making some very good decisions in regards to your body.

SPEAKER_01

I think it's it's all it's all to build up your your self-esteem as well, all that. It's all it's all part of the parcel of of your esteem, you're looking after yourself.

SPEAKER_03

You're making you're learning to make sorry too. Well, you're you're learning to make the right decision. Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_00

100%. And I think, yeah, I think it's one of those things where again, I think with your physical body and and and mental to some extent, I think it's tough because no matter what you do, and how many amends you make, and how many, you know, times you go through your step work or anything, just like me, you can't change the past. Yeah. So the physical damage to an extent is done. And that sounds brutal, that, but it's true. And I think that's it. Yeah, so it's about saying, right, okay, there is another. And I think people need to know that because I do think that people, you know, it's the decisions that people make, well, uh taking drugs and doing drink and missing appointments or this, that, and the other, can have long-term. I'm not saying they don't know this, but what I mean is is just doing your detox and doing your step work and living in recovery, you've you've you know, you've essentially done damage to yourself, so you're gonna be addressing these things for quite a while. And you also got to take into a fact very old, Dave. Well, geez. Do you know what I mean? You've got to take that into a fact. Do you know what I'm as you start approaching death, Dave? You know, you do need to start thinking about it. Stop wasting the NHS's time.

SPEAKER_03

But I'm I'm I'm so old as crew. I'm gonna old as decrepit, it's a slow lingering death, isn't it? Because I'm in the road. You can have road burning time.

SPEAKER_01

Well, you can it's a slow burner.

SPEAKER_03

It's a great done it last week and did a fucking promo about it and everything, yeah. But it is, it's it is a subject that this is what this is this podcast is all about. It's it's about recovery, and part of recovery is getting your head and your body in into a nice place.

SPEAKER_00

And I think that's a good package. I think if again, I don't I'm not I don't tell anyone how to do this, that, and the other. So if you detox at home and you come in, you're able to do it, then fair play to you. If if you if you go to a detox, then fair place. You go to a recovery centre or you do you do recovery from your house, but I think when you're doing anything like this, you should probably try to think of it a little bit more. And I do to be fair, I I think of it as as as as like this binary thing where it's not. I think you go where you do detox and you do your covery and then suck it up and move on, and that's not it. Actually, if you're going to do a proper level of care, you should do your detox, you should look at look at how you are acting physically now, so going to the gym and eating well and what have you. You should do your step work and go to meetings and what have you, but then you should also look at look at mental health and look at look at because when you look at that kind of stuff, that kind of be the thing that a lot of people maybe people don't know how to access those services. I don't know, but those services are the services I think that I think you I think we end up with a good p thing here where people not everybody, but because because of the gym and because of the the setup we've got with recovery houses, they've definitely done a detox, they're doing the step work, and they are or they at least have the option to go to the gym. So we've kind of got those bases covered. Now we can't control people's diet, it's up to you then, but it's the mental health thing that gets left out, and I think that if you're doing that's all part of the parcel of the action you've got to put into it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So in in recovery, we do have a it is there for us. Yeah, yeah. There are places that staff will say, right, you've got a problem, we can send you to a place that might redress this.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

But people like you said, who are on just doing the detox at home or uh uh just doing rooms, they can do this, but most places we go, people in the rooms can guide you to certain places. I've seen it happen before where people will go to somebody after the meeting and say, Right, there is this facility here, yeah, and this person's not known. So there's help in the room, there's help available for the people who don't have access, like we do.

SPEAKER_00

There are also groups, I suppose, that are a little bit more signposting. So you know, yeah. So if you look at things like you've got like Talk About It Mate and Andy's Man Club, and this is so if you look at what we do and we do our bodybuilders thing in the building and we're doing weights and what have you, it's a little bit more, it's a little less structured than that. Yeah, we're about probably uh uh uh South Haupt group in regards to ourselves. We talk and we and if we need the signposts, we will do.

SPEAKER_01

Whereas I feel like if you were to go to somewhere like the community and yeah, yeah, where I feel if you were to go to like Andy's Man Club or anything like that, the difference that's that's like more of a of a meeting, and it's a time scale, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and you'll probably be be they'll probably have maybe uh a better understanding of you may actually only need that, you may actually just need that time, but you might also need to again get uh referred on. A lot of people don't know that you can get referred on. Obviously, we're in Selfridge, so you've got things like achieve and stuff like that where they can give you that kind of support. You don't have to be do your detox with them. I think with the again, you can go to your doctors, I think. I think I think a Google search makes a big difference as well.

SPEAKER_01

Because I'd better differ a little bit sometimes with Google searches. Do you think so? Depends depends on what you search in because like some of the things.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but your search history might be another rabbit on the bottom. No, I mean I appreciate what you mean.

SPEAKER_01

What I'm trying to say is buttons.

SPEAKER_00

What I'm trying to say is that although you although you you you I'll nearly spat that I think I think obviously if you go on Google, they're gonna be places that are trying to stamp and stuff that you're trying to do this, that and the other. I think if you just go on and you'd go into places wherever your local thing is, so for us it would be things like CVS and places like that. If you'd go on to Google Webhoot and look at that, those are the kind of places that would be able to say, well, actually, these are I know places around Salton that offer free support in that area, it's just a case of finding it and that and that and that's why to find it and following it up, isn't it? 100%, and and also realising that as brutal as this sounds, and it is does sound brutal, and I'm aware of that, you're not the only person in the world with issues. So you unfortunately still do need to wait. Yeah, so you do need to wait, and I know that sounds brutal because when you're in that moment, it feels like the whole world's on your shoulders. So, how can anyone else be carrying anything?

SPEAKER_01

Of it when you're in that mindset, you're so self-absorbed in your own shit, and you it's a self-centredness.

SPEAKER_00

Do you know it's the two things? It's really good because you want to take action now. So that's really good that you want to do that because you say, No, I really want this and I want this support now. However, unfortunately, you also need to learn. This sounds brutal, but you do need to learn to live in the real world. And if this is the start of your journey, you need to realise that whether it's going to be housing, whether it's going to be any, you are going to be waiting, so you may as well get used to the idea of actually go to Andy's Man Club or somewhere where you can kind of get support whilst you're waiting. Because you know, from experience, I think we can all say waiting list or something that we're on.

SPEAKER_01

I don't have a good relationship with a waiting list. That's really good, though.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So you do know what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00

No, I got little notes off screen over there. Yeah. Someone's standing over there with a board. Yeah. So cheer up there, basically, is what we're saying. Fucking just cheer up. Alright.

SPEAKER_03

See, now I'm at that stage where I could take my time with it now. Yeah. I know what I've got to do. Every journey starts with that first step.

SPEAKER_00

Well, if you look at your you you you look at you now, so let's look at. So you did you've you've done however long in recovery, and then really only lately have you started realising that you needed a little bit more support, and then you started reaching out and you started getting it, and it hasn't just come because you haven't got the support. Not that you don't want the support you're getting, what I mean is you presume you're gonna sit there with a psychiatrist, or lie down on a couch and they're gonna call, and you're not even there yet. You're not at a point where you're doing that yet, but you are getting that kind of support, and and so if you look at your own journey from from where you were, it does make a big difference.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it yeah. Remember, I I shouldn't be sad at you. I didn't care. I didn't want to go to hospital, I was.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I thought you meant because we didn't want to podcast. I was quite happy. I was gonna say, no, you shouldn't.

SPEAKER_03

I was quite happy to go to the cemetery. I didn't care.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So from that starting my journey when I was found and put in hospital to front to air now, yeah, I was still because I didn't want to go to hospital, I didn't want to address my issues, I just didn't want to care. That's where that's where I ended up where I was, but God had a different plan. Yeah. So I'll end it up now, and this is why this is important to me now. The podcast is great. I'll I'll love the podcast if it gets one person to do the right thing by themselves. I'm hoping I'm showing people out there that it is possible to make a difference in your own life just by not recovering, yeah, by getting on and doing what we should have done all them years ago. Where I'm I'm playing catch up now. Yeah. So this is why it was important to me to have this conversation because it I say this a few times, if I can do it, anybody can.

SPEAKER_00

100%, and I think that goes for anyone who's listening, even if they're just listening for our witty banter.

SPEAKER_01

I think I think I do think that actually, from a man's point of view, we're so similar, like we're going before, all human beings were so sort of similar creatures, but some people just some people just think that they're so unique, yeah. That that it helps not for them, and no one's like them. They've either sit on their own in the pit at home. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? A mollow. In fact, really, you just you know, you're just like we're all we're all so full of it. Yeah, a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00

And I think I think if if if people listen to this, I say, you know, maybe maybe.

SPEAKER_01

I know a lot of people listen to this do probably think that they're sort of sort of fucking unique or something.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think everyone thinks again, people only have horrible. But it's true though, people well, you only know your own experience. So you sit in a room full of people, and before they start talking, you think you think you've got problems, my friend. Just you wait till it's my turn to speak. A lot of the time, however, when they speak before you, you think, oh shit. But but that is true. You think you think, oh, you you've got problems, have you? Wait till you listen to this. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03

Well, that's part of the ethos of uh ethos, blind. Um concentrate. Concentrate on the similarities, not the differences because there's always somebody out there that's got a shared experience that you uh you and they've got a worse experience, but it's full pulled through. So it it you show you you're seeing progress in other people, yeah. You've got not necessarily a role model, but you've got uh what what can I say, a pathway that you can go on.

SPEAKER_00

And I think again, so lastly on this bit, I think the the thing is is even if people are listening for, like we say, maybe it's someone who's subscribed to Kieran's OnlyFans and they found out he's on a podcast or something. Whatever people are listening for, you know this uh turn your hearing aid up now. Um whatever the reason people are listening for, the one of the major takeaways is whether you're in recovery or not, is actually from a man's point of view, we do have a habit of of ignoring going to the hospital, going to the doctors, and I think someone who's not in recovery but has had a you know lost a couple of well lost a fair few people last year. Um, I spent more time in church last year than I have my whole life. Um but the good thing, yeah, yeah. Thanks so.

SPEAKER_01

Not clean. I thought you were doing on your own will to say a blend. Do you know what I mean? I thought you what you've thought. I thought you were.

SPEAKER_00

I was gonna say you've got a shovel, but you'd be digging people's brains a little bother. No, the uh the um yeah, the point is is is that it doesn't matter whether you're in recovery or not, you will find that there are times in your life when you probably should have gone to the doctors where you probably should have got checked up and things. And I think the other thing is the biggest thing for me has always been you'll get these big moments that highlight it for you and you'll commit to doing it, and then you'll skip an appointment or this, that, and the other, and it'll just go out the window. And I think that's a big thing. So, yeah, mental health in general, whether it be related to recovery or not. Um definitely until later, guys.

SPEAKER_01

And you feel miles better for doing it, it's like procrastination. Do you know when you when you follow up all the shit and procrastinate? Yeah, you feel so much better in yourself.

SPEAKER_00

Do you know you walk around so through work? We'll do procrastination another day, but through work, I I I do procrastination, right? All the time. But doing things that need doing, but don't really need doing instead of doing the thing that needs doing. When I actually no podcast is on, no music's on, no one's in the building. I sit down and go, right, I'm gonna go in, I'm not gonna do a workout, I'm gonna sit down from six o'clock in the morning till eight o'clock, and I'm just gonna blast it and it's done, all the weight's gone off my shoulders.

SPEAKER_01

Then you then you'll enjoy what you want to do, huh?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah. So, so yeah, it's the same thing.

SPEAKER_01

You can't you can't enjoy your day if you you know that you've been fascinating.

SPEAKER_00

It's the same thing. It's in the back of your head. Yeah, it's the same thing as well. Do you know I had a hernia for five years? Wow, and I'll tell you why. Because I had a hernia for five years, right? That's new because but and I was working out all the time, and I didn't and I knew the operation would mean I couldn't work out, so but then similar. However, I then got to the point of realising, well, actually, what you're working out for, because at some point this hernia is gonna need and so you you you can either address it now and take the six months off and build from there and keep it, or you can keep getting bigger and bigger, or whatever you're trying to achieve. But when you have that operation, you're taking then six months off, whether you like it or not, so you're gonna lose it anyway. So it's the same kind of thing, you just do the thing that needs to be done now rather than trying to get everything else done. Anyway, moving on. I want to talk about death. No, I don't know. It was gonna throw his two p. No, I don't want your opinion on death, brutal fucker. No, we were talking we wanted to talk about weakness. We were talking about this before, we're so weak world, weak world, weakness, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean. The concept being that so you do drugs or you do or you've taken this, that and the other, so therefore you are weak and just don't do it. Yeah, now this has come from yeah, so this has come from experience, it's come from it actually came from a comment. So someone left a comment which on one of the people have done it a few times actually on one of the videos where basically you know it I'm I won't say I won't say the user's name, but it had wolf in it, so that gives you an understanding of the kind of yeah, and a wolf, yeah, you're not probably probably a gamer is about 12.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, no, it's 54. Yeah, the wolf, and he wears an helmet playing card or something. Yeah, and he's got those layers on his headphones, anyway.

SPEAKER_00

So wolf, uh see you later, champ. So he um but the concept being that well, just stop. Do you know what I mean? So so so and and and again, I'll be honest with you, back in the day before I started doing any of this kind of community work and stuff. That would that would be my that was my take on it. Again, I hadn't even started when I got to the point of saying stop, do you know what I mean? So I hadn't even had a beer. So I'd have just been like, just stop it.

SPEAKER_01

What's up with you? I think I had that mentality as well. When I was like, say early, early on when I was in my teens, and I was like, oh no, I was smoking a bit of weed and drinking, looking at looking at looking at people in sniffing coat. Yeah, like when I just fucking stop. When I get to there, I'll I'll be alright, I'll stop.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, do you know what I mean? So let's go. You start off addressing it. So, what's your concept of it? Weak world, what do you think? Someone says that, what's what do you think as soon as someone says, you know, you just weak world, you should just stop. I just think I just think what a knob.

SPEAKER_01

That's that's my initial I just think shut up. You know, but I don't say that out loud, I say it in my head. I think, oh, you just don't you don't fucking understand you dick, but then then then then my head switches to bat, so you don't need to understand it's not their problem. If he thinks if he thinks I'm weak willed, it's like you know, alright mate, no problem, not gonna affect my life. Yeah, you know what I mean. I don't I don't think I don't think it is weak willed. I think I've I've you know I'd I'd suffer alcoholism and addiction, it's you know, it's a disease, you know, it's yeah, that's why I'm not sure. Well I suppose so. I mean uh my point of view is it's the same if you'd only know if if you were part, if you've been in it, it's a disease and it's an addiction and and it's and it's an illness, isn't it? And that's like saying to somebody suffer with it, he's not putting this guy who's calling me weak world, he's not he's not got an alcoholic or he's not an addict, he's not had a drug problem, so he doesn't know. If he did, yeah, then he he wouldn't be saying that. Yeah, because it's like saying to a diabetic, just have a sniffer just shut up, you little mad. It's like saying to me, I've smelled moments have a line of sugar.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, what's up with you?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, they're having a seizure on the floor. What's up with you?

SPEAKER_03

Mad ass. Feeding an habit was a full-time job. Yeah, you have to graft. Yeah, you have to go out and get up in the morning and and do things. You're not weak willed, you're so focused on doing things, it's totally opposite from weak will.

SPEAKER_01

And if if someone calls me weak willed, uh it depends where it depends how like I think like early on when I first got clean, if someone called me weak willed, it might it might have got to me. Yeah, because you know it's insecure and a lot of tough stuff that I've not looked at, you know what I mean? So now passion view. If someone says something to me now because I've built up a lot of my self-esteem and I've done a lot of work on myself, it's just like fucking shit on your dick.

SPEAKER_03

I found over my life to people telling me to get off my house and do something about it, the people who are sat on the house is doing nothing about their drama.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I think a lot of the time, again, I think a lot of the time, and I maybe I'm wrong with this, but for me, you see, a lot of the time the difference between someone who is an addict and someone who thinks the addict is weak willed, is that the addict has admitted to the addict, whereas the weak the other person a lot of the time are an addict anyway, or they're they're in the denial because they don't want to stop. They could stop if they wanted to, because they're not weak willed. Yeah. However, they don't want to stop, so they're gonna just carry on using.

SPEAKER_01

Like, let's, for example, I can give someone who's an alcoholic, so I give someone who's a functioning alcoholic. Yeah, yeah, exactly. He he he think I'm weak willed. Yeah, you can't handle it. Yeah, but but in in reality, it's like you can't do what I mean, even though he thinks he can handle it because he's functioning. Yeah, but you know what I mean, it's a matter of sort of yes Well and again I think the thing with functioning and that kind of stuff is also I don't believe in functioning alcoholics, uh it's just an alcoholic in denial or an addict in denial.

SPEAKER_00

If you're functioning at alcoholics, well, yeah, I mean I what people think a functioning alcoholic would be, for instance, would be you get up, you go to work, and then after work you you have a drink all night or whatever, but you still manage to get up the next day and go to work. That's an example of a functioning alcoholic. I did that for years. No, that's what I was gonna say. So the only difference between a lot because if you look at someone who let let's let's say, you know, somebody who whether it be a beer or or whether it be some harder stuff like heroin or whatever, something like that. Well, those people don't just wake up and get free heroin. So the only the only the alcoholic is not going to work because he wants to go to work, is he? He's going to work because he wants to pay his bills and have enough money left to get the drinking. Well, the the the same thing with the the girl who's, for instance, selling a body or shoplifting or whatever for heroin. She's that dedicated time frame there, as bad as it sounds and justification, isn't it? Yeah, she she she's doing whatever it is during that time frame, or he's doing whatever it is during that time frame. They don't just wake up and get given free heroin. No, so then they end up. Do you do you understand what I mean? They're doing the same thing, it might be a different job, but that that moment in time when they're both sober, they're doing whatever it is they're doing, and the hope that afterwards they're gonna get drunk or they're gonna get high. So it's not really functioning, is it?

SPEAKER_01

I see loads of alcoholics who you say the they're functioning and the the rationalisation and the justification I pay taxes, I work, but when I'm not working, I'm an absolute fucking can't stop drinking. I mean, loads of pain. Yeah, it just looks painful. Do you know what you can see it in them? People who are just like because you think they're going to work Monday to Friday, that's that's it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, they're not most people don't consider themselves functioning alcoholics today. You would consider them a functioning alcoholic, but you wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01

Well, they're not that's what they say. I'm a functioning alcoholic. I think that's like a bit of a of a a thing now. I'm just thinking when did that thing?

SPEAKER_03

When did that catchphrase come in?

SPEAKER_00

I don't know because it used to just be you would just say that you would you as an observant uh you would say they're just a fucking functioning alcoholic. The person themselves would say, I'm not an alcoholic, I go to work. I just thought it was a bit of a thing.

SPEAKER_03

We know I I I've worked since I was 16. I've been working with people and indulged in drinking drugs in my working life, yeah. And it was never questioned. Yeah, yeah. I've been sat next to somebody who's sniffing coat while driving to Wales and back.

SPEAKER_00

Well, you need something to get you to fucking Wales.

SPEAKER_03

But working overnight in the mill. It was part and parcel of people were drinking, especially overnight. In the mill? How old are you? Eighty just say then.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, even in the mill, in the workhouse.

SPEAKER_03

See what it is, I don't look old, do I? I don't act old. You do, you just said in the mill. I don't act old. My birth certificate says I'm old. Fucking hell. On the slate it was written on. I was working in one of the last mills, weaving mills, in this country. Yeah, yeah. Great job. Because certain parts of the mill, weaving was hard work, you're always working, but certain parts, and they were they were working on huge plants, huge machinery. When was that then? What what mill was that? Well, I got paid in farthings and growth. 18, oh nine. Yeah, but people were drinking all through the night. They'd go to the pub for the like three hours and then go to the house. It sounds like a Charles Dickens novel. But this is how it used to be, but nobody would question it. There weren't no functioning alcoholics, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It was just life, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, people would take drugs throughout the day.

SPEAKER_01

I've done it myself. I think people now are alright, mate and that they're a function alcoholic.

SPEAKER_03

I think there's something about yeah, it's more open. Well, I certainly think since COVID, because of the awareness.

SPEAKER_00

I think COVID made a big difference because people realised that they were functioning alcoholics. Yeah, so a lot of people realise with COVID when when people were going to work, uh when people had stopped going to work, and like you had 24 hours in a day, and you got one hour to go outside, so people would spend the morning doing the work stuff that we're doing from home, an hour outside, and then when they come back in in the evening, it needed to be different than the morning. So then they on the hour outside they go and get a big crate and walk past with a crate. We talked about this the other time.

SPEAKER_03

Well, we've got to tell you this one. You keep mentioning that hour outside, you did it the other day when we were in what? Uh the hour outside. The hour outside. Hour? Yeah. I used to I used to live near Morrison's uh shop in Bolton, and I was working for a car hire company who had the same green as Morrison's. As Morrison's, yeah. So I was at the back of Morrison's, so I'd put my green gear on and sit on Morrison's car park as though I was just having a lunch break. So I'd been out there all day. When you said it the other day, an hour. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02

Well, the park near us, right? The park near us, there's there's policemen walking around, timing you. Oh, yeah, they just can't get lifted. What do you mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Well, you got an hour outside during COVID, you're only all out for an hour. Oh right. And there's a there was a policeman near us who would walk around and they'd be like, uh, how long have you been out for? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

But saying that, going back on to using, I was working, got fur load, I would work, then go to the boozer, get me drugs, go home. Oh, did you get the furload money out there? And then got furlough, and then I I would drink and use at the similar time, five o'clock tea time, ish. Yeah, yeah. And then it became three o'clock.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's what I've done.

SPEAKER_03

Then it became one o'clock, yeah, and then before you know it, it's all day drinking. Because Morrison's was open.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Well, that was the thing, and that's that's what I think made big people realise how dangerous alcohol could be. Because one of them people started doing that for months at a time, and then they went, Okay, go back to work. Yeah, those people were a bit like, oh shit. So I think terms like function alcoholic and stuff. I think maybe even in a jokey way, to be honest with you, I think people started, even people that weren't weren't ready to admit that. That's what I'm saying. That's where I was going with it. Yeah, people that weren't ready to admit it were then using terms like, Oh Bladdy, I'm probably going, eh? I can live life, I can do this. Because they realised that actually is a bit of a problem. Because then when they went back to work, they had to slowly start getting off the stuff again. Yeah. It's what I mean, they tell themselves that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. That's what I meant. Well, they don't tell the people they already have to be able to do it. Yeah, so they tell themselves to function alcohol.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, well, that's it. And I think I think people I think, yeah, I think I think certainly as it as not maybe moving on from the time of the day.

SPEAKER_01

I used to call myself that. I used to be happy calling myself that. I'm a fucking functioning alcoholic, I'm fucking booking like me. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Well, at least I'm not doing this.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, at least I'm fucking uh at least I'm working paying tax.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah. COVID did catch a lot of people out.

SPEAKER_00

It really did. Yeah, of course it did. Started a lot of people as well, though. It did a they didn't just get people that were already doing it again.

SPEAKER_01

You can see why, can't you? Even if they were even if you weren't like suffer an alcoholic, they probably just like got a bit of a physical physical dependency.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, because we were just boring you. Yeah, you're getting paid as well.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, you get like I got fucking screwed furlough. Fucking I was I lived with me. I was with my dad and um my dad's mate, and I I just I didn't get the furlough money because I just missed out. You had to be self-employed for over two or three years, yeah. And I was only self-employed for about a year, so I missed out on it. Yeah, but my dad and his mate, they got like fucking they got like over 20 grand each or something. Fucking, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Like, what the fuck, what the fuck are you got all that money for? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, well, let's just buy loads of beer and sniff and fucking brass. Yeah, yeah. That's all they were doing. When I was telling you last week about stepping on the cans in the morning, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all we were fucking doing. Yeah, they got the the the highlight of the day was lining all the cans out with drank and stepping and crushing so they could fit in the bin.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And that was the that was like the only thing we had looked forward to, apart from the the coke and the brass the night before.

SPEAKER_03

But that's what is this brass you keep talking about? Brass. You keep buying brass, be a metal merchant.

SPEAKER_01

Well, bookers. All right. I think it's a bit of an old young saying, you scream brass women of the night. Women of the night, yeah, right. All right. I don't know if that's a bit of a South Manchester slang or something. Brass.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. They didn't use it in the mills, did they?

SPEAKER_01

I don't think they used it back in uh Sherlock.

SPEAKER_03

You couldn't swear in the mill because it was that wish. You get caned. There were that many women around. You got to watch your peas and cues. Women were allowed to work in the mill.

SPEAKER_02

Whoa! How dare they work? I don't know. I thought they were in the workhouse, it's supposed to be at home making tea in the middle.

SPEAKER_03

Racism working women, it's an education for some. This is a fucking podcast, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01

It's the oldest the oldest fucking job, innit? Being the brass, the oldest sort of known known job, innit? I'm not sure that's true. Longest reigning zone occupation has been a fucking tonight.

SPEAKER_03

I wouldn't know with a place like this, I've never had to pay for it.

SPEAKER_00

It's just in denial, this lad, isn't it? Have we got it here? You've took us down some really down ramp.

SPEAKER_01

Sometimes, sometimes I like a little bit of seediness. Every week it gets like darker and darker.

SPEAKER_00

Darker. Yeah, I think we'll have a look at myself.

SPEAKER_01

I think you do need to go and do is there a s like ten.

SPEAKER_00

Is there a I think is there a step twenty? Because I think you want to be doing that. Yeah, that's where we're at with you.

SPEAKER_02

Only fans, granny's knickers, yeah, brasses. Shoot me, holes, rabbit holes. I know.

SPEAKER_01

Sorry, kids.

SPEAKER_02

Dead people. What the hell? I don't know. You're bringing this podcast right now, Kenny.

SPEAKER_01

Can kick him out when he's down. Held him out rabbit hole. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Well, moving on. So yeah, so weakness or perceived weakness. That's what we've worth talking about. Yeah, or weak well, and I think again, I think it's one of those things where over time there's two ways of looking at it, from my opinion. And it's similar to what you said, which is you either know about recovery or you don't. And then you can't, you're not in control of what other people think. So the reality of it is again, I suppose it's three different comments you've got here, really. You've got the concept of weak willness. Now, actually, the reason we talk about it isn't because we all had a big cry because of the comment, we had a laugh because of the comment, and Kieran said, Oh, we could address that, and that's why we did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you you've uh again, so so we're not putting too much into it more than anything, because to to rebuff it would be essentially validating it. Well, I don't even mean that. What I mean is this, right? Is one you have to understand addiction to understand the concept of it. So you have to be in it, but you have to understand it, because if you understand it, you've not made the comment in the first place. So you've got those two kinds of people, you're never going to be able to control the way other people are. So it doesn't matter who they are. However, if you take the time out of your sad little life to put a negative comment on something on YouTube or any kind of social media platform, it's pretty weird where people are clearly trying to reach people to give content. Well, they're not are they they're trying to reach people we're trying to change the fucking world.

SPEAKER_03

That's I am that's what's in my mind is Did this person search out recovery?

SPEAKER_00

Well, it's the thing is, like, you know, like nothing has ever bothered me enough, right, in life where if it's got nothing to do, because you clearly make a comment, then I would comment on it. Do you know what I mean? So I just think sort your life out, you little muppet. Those people, Wolf, well, it's not so much that he would never come and say it to your face, would he? Because you get a slap, and that's the reality of it, is Wolf would get a slap and he'd be a puppy, wouldn't he? So it'd be a cub, it'd be a cub. So the reality of it is is like I think we we we I thank him to an extent because he gave us a comment of some he gave us a topic for today. Yeah. So that was quite nice of him. But other than that, I just think mate sort your life out.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. But maybe he's looking for a recovery and just too he just too weak willed to reach out.

SPEAKER_01

Well, maybe that listening to the podcast is like, you know, um, even though he's he's probably in fucking whatever he's said and done, isn't it? It's f it's drip feeding, isn't it? Even though he's well, people don't like reflections of themselves, they've if you've got a bad thing.

SPEAKER_00

They might have triggered something in it. And the problem is, is that no one if you know if someone if someone said something to me and it didn't mean anything, it wouldn't bother me. So if someone was to come up to me and they were to say or you, you you you just had that thought.

SPEAKER_03

People make comments like that because they're either on drink or drugs.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, or Mr. Wolf, if you want to help, it's it's a lot of people.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and they get pulled out, they got called out for it, and then they end up in courts, and then on the news, oh, they've been trolling people for no reason whatsoever, and then they'll turn around and say, Oh, it's because I was drunk.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. It's just sad, isn't it? And I think that's the main takeaway from it all, is that you know, we we know that it doesn't it's got nothing to do with will, it's got nothing to do. I mean, who in if you had will, if you had enough willpower to just stop, who in the right mind would be wanking guys off in an alleyway to get enough money to go and buy fucking heroin?

SPEAKER_02

You wouldn't, would you? No, that's the reality of it. So you little stupid comment. Well, it's true though, innit? So you just pack it in. Oh no, I'm having a whale of a time here, mate. We'll just crack on.

SPEAKER_00

What stupid comments and dicks in me like fucking no, I just think what are you talking about? Anyway, Wolverine, Wolf, playing. Thank you for your comment. And uh suck him on.

SPEAKER_02

So we're done. Well, are we done for the day? We're done. We're done. Right. Well done, people. My hat got bigger every time we did. I like a gnome.

SPEAKER_01

Actually, we didn't want to say that the other day. Well, I couldn't find my cat. I couldn't find my cat.

SPEAKER_03

I couldn't be racist and say let me gone.

SPEAKER_00

Well, a bit rude, but I did check. He's a bit you're a week too late for the St. Paddy's Day episode. I'm glad I missed it. Why? We spoke about bacon and cabbage, we spoke about white pudding. I did what I did, I did watch. Oh, you you were the viewer.

SPEAKER_03

I did I did like and subscribe.

SPEAKER_02

Did you live did you listen to it at all?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah, I always do. Hey, come on, I'm a loyal uh part of the part of the gang.

SPEAKER_00

I'm not loyal.

SPEAKER_03

I am a loyal part of the gang. Pause it. Look, look at it this way. I didn't even know it was big St. Patrick's Day.

SPEAKER_00

It wasn't St. Patrick's Day, it was St. Patrick's Day two days ago.

SPEAKER_03

See, that was it, you see. I didn't even know. So but I had You got to learn a bit of culture while from there. Prior engagement, didn't I?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, other things on my mind. Yeah. The only things were St.

SPEAKER_01

Paddy's Day, but I think like every accent I did with Miles of Jamaica.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, it was really bad, though. Did you hear his accent? Yeah. Oh I always remember remember me nanny used to go, top of morning to you. I was like, what the fuck are you doing?

SPEAKER_03

It was actually good. There weren't enough laughs.

SPEAKER_00

No, but you weren't here tomorrow.

SPEAKER_03

Well, they're enough laughs in it. We had a speech at the end, it we didn't have a serious uh side to it. Yeah. So it was good. It was good. No, bro, fuck on.

SPEAKER_00

But it did. It was it was brilliant.

SPEAKER_03

It was alright.

SPEAKER_00

Would you say, while we're all here, would you say, and you can just say it, would you say it was better without you?

SPEAKER_03

No, because the views tell me that there's about There's more views on that video than any of them. There's about 400 views short from average. There's not. We've got to give it a few. It's my fan club. They said, Where's Dave? Didn't I see it in the comment? Where's the good fan was called Dave?

SPEAKER_01

Where's Dave got like six six fucking false comments?

SPEAKER_03

Where's that good looking funny one? Yeah? Not good looking.

SPEAKER_02

Not funny. Me? Yeah. That person who said that was also called Dave, you know. There's millions of people out there called Dave.

SPEAKER_01

Millions. I reckon you've got loads of fake accounts, Dave, haven't you?

SPEAKER_03

Loads. No. I don't even remember me username anymore. Is it Wolf?

SPEAKER_04

I said that's.

SPEAKER_02

On that note, now we're officially got.

SPEAKER_03

Let's finish. Thank you for doing the elf side of it because obviously it is important.

SPEAKER_00

Oh it is important. And I think we um I think I think it came across naturally as well.

SPEAKER_03

We were all involved in it. That was a good side of it.

SPEAKER_00

Kieran could have put a bit more effort in.

SPEAKER_03

Well, most probably he hasn't got the same. Apart from his kidneys, he's he's quite a healthy guy, isn't he? He's been doing this for quite a while.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So but if you're nipping him in the buddy, well, if you're nipping him in the bud now, you're not gonna have the issues I've got before, aren't you? When you're my age, you won't have these issues back then when you're my age. You sort of yourself out. That's the good thing about it.

SPEAKER_00

I think to finish the podcast off, although it's kind of finished, but to finish it off officially today, Kieran should say in his best Irish accent. Thanks for tuning in. I'll see you next week. To the camera, like thanks for tuning in.

SPEAKER_01

I see you next week.

SPEAKER_03

That's the way you should end, like uh folks. Yeah, we make up the camera can't do it.